Waiting Games
by DeanLittle67
Summary: Summary: Dawson and Casey were having a difficult time separating work from their relationship. They avoided each other both at work and home. Dawson staying at Molly's late into the night and Casey leaving before she woke. It was stressful on both of them, tensions rising and insubordination occurring.
1. Chapter 1

Gabby had been pacing the halls of 51 for a while, back and forth, while everyone slept. So much was on her mind, the tossing and turning not helping her cause. Her and Casey's relationship had gotten hard, harder than she had imagined it would. She knew he was right, but giving him that satisfaction and control wasn't part of who she was even though she knew she could lose this job.

"Gabby, it's two in the morning," Matt mentioned, leaning in the doorway of his quarters. She nodded, well aware of the time, but continued to pace the space in front of him. It worried him, despite their problems. Just because things were rough, didn't mean he didn't know her or love her, and he knew this wasn't like her. He'd never seen her like this. He reached out, grabbing her wrist gently and pulling her into his quarters. "What's going on?" he asked, shutting the door, then sitting down on the bed.

"It's hard, Matt. We can't show _us _here, and we don't talk at home about _anything_," she told him, biting her nails in the process. "You say I don't respect you, but I do. It's just difficult remembering that here, you're my lieutenant first. But you seem to forget that at home, you're my _fiance _first. There are days where I want to talk about the shit day I had at work with my fiance, but the lieutenant is there first." She sighed softly, looking at him.

"You're right, Gabby. We're both having a hard time, but I have to be hard on you here, and my opinion about the decisions I make to keep you safe aren't going to change just because we're home. I can't let myself question them." He looked at her, and sighed. He knew they were two sides of the same coin. "Come to bed, try to get some sleep," he told her, holding her hand in his and guiding her over. They laid down, Gabby curling into Casey's chest. It wasn't long before the alarm went off.

"Ambulance 61, Truck 81, Squad 3, Engine 51, Battalion 25. Apartment fire Russell and Main." Gabby and Matt looked at each other with a sigh, getting up and jogging to the truck.

"Just _love _these early morning calls," Hermann yawned as they all pulled on their jackets and hats. The fire was less than a mile away, but when they got there it seemed like it had taken longer. The entire building was engulfed.

They all got out, waiting for orders. "Casey, take the top two floors, Severide, bottom two," Boden told them. They nodded in agreement, turning to their teams.

"Otis, Mouch, vent the roof. Hermann and Cruz, third floor. Dawson, you're with me," he told them. They all nodded, pulling on their breathing apparatuses as they rushed into the building. Casey could tell this was bad, the flames rolling on the ceiling already. He and Gabby made their way up the stairs to the top floor.

"You check that side, I'll check this side," he told her, motioning for her to go left. She nodded, breaking down the doors, but finding nobody. Casey, the same. "Let's head out," he told her after their search, heading down the stairs with her behind him. It felt like time stood still as they reached the third floor platform. The heat was fine through the protective gear, yet the flames still licked at their flesh though they didn't seem to feel it.

Gabby was the only one to hear the creak of the building as Boden called for them to evacuate, the smoke rolling black. She looked up in time to see the beginnings of a structural collapse, shoving Casey from behind. He didn't know what was going on until he looked behind him, a hole in the floor and in the ceiling where Gabby should have been. He was stunned for a moment, not quite registering what had happened. When the PASS alarm sounded below him was when it hit him, running down the stairs to the ground floor.

"Mayday! Mayday! Firefighter down!" he called. He knew he had to move her since there was risk of a flashover or more structural collapse. He knew he had no time to get a backboard, which meant he was risking everything to only hope that she was okay. He moved the debris off of her, grabbing her in his arms and carrying her out of the building.

When Hermann looked up, he couldn't believe what he was seeing. It wasn't a sight that they had seen before. Casey was running out, carrying Dawson out of the flames bridal style. He could tell that something wasn't right as he laid her on the stretcher, stripping the apparatus off of both her and himself. Mills and Brett rushing to her side. They all knew it was bad, falling two stories with a third falling on you.

"Casey," Mills said gently, as they got to the ambulance. He shook his head.

"I'm going with you," he almost growled, getting in the ambulance, Mills following. Casey sat out of Mills' way as he got an oxygen mask on Gabby and an IV in her arm. The heart monitor showed a very weak pulse. All Casey could do was mumble, "Come on baby, you'll be fine."


	2. Chapter 2

The team sat in the waiting room, waiting for news of how she was doing. All Casey could think of was if this was going to be a repeat of Hallie. She had been breathing on her own in the ambulance, she had a heart beat. That's what mattered, because he knew she couldn't be dead. In that moment, he did what Gabby had done earlier that day - paced the hall back and forth. While the rest of the Firehouse 51 Family sat, Casey's footsteps were the only thing they heard besides their own breathing.

"Family of Gabriela Dawson," Dr. Kendra said softly to the waiting room, knowing all of them were her family. Casey walked over to her.

"I'm her fiance," he said almost solemnly. She walked him away from the waiting room, but the team stood and looked at them, waiting for any sign of the prognosis.

"She was breathing on her own when she came in, but she went into cardiac and respiratory arrest. She's on life support, Matt," she said quietly, "and there's not enough brain activity to safely take her off." He was stunned. She was alive, but only machines kept her alive. Tears started to roll down his cheeks and he hugged Kendra. He knew that she and Gabby knew each other when Shay was around, knew that this impacted her too. She was the only thing keeping him standing.

"Matt, it's up to you how long she stays on life support. I'm not going to push you one way or another, but it doesn't look good," she told him, rubbing his back as he sobbed.

When the team looked at the scene, they knew it wasn't good. Herrmann and Otis seemed to be the most affected, aside from Casey. They had gotten to know Gabby over the course of the last few months with Molly's. They didn't know what was going to happen without her.

Casey let Kendra go, wiping away the tears. "I want to see her," he told her quietly. Kendra nodded, leading him and the rest of the team to the ICU.

"There's one visitor at a time right now," she told them. Casey nodded but disagreed.

"Two? Please?" he said. She nodded and walked away. Casey was the first to walk into her room, to see all the tubes and machines. She had bruises on her arms and face, along with small cuts littered across her skin. He sat in the chair, taking her hand in his gently. He expected her to wake up any minute, but it didn't happen, her limp hand still in his.

Boden was the first to walk in, laying a hand on Casey's shoulder. He looked at Gabby, couldn't believe what he was seeing. The girl that was like a daughter to him was practically dead, a heavy feeling in his heart. He couldn't lose another person, couldn't handle it.

"If you need anything, Matthew, let me know. Time off, less hours, anything. We're all here for you," Boden told him, patting his shoulder before walking out.

The next person to walk in was Herrmann, who sat next to Casey in the other chair. She looked peaceful to him, like she was just sleeping - aside from the machines. She was like a sister to him, someone who shared laughs and beer late into the night when neither of them wanted to head home - just a few more minutes was her favorite line, and he'd go along with it every time. He never knew what was going on for her at home, but he knew it was stressful. But at this moment, there was no doubt that Casey loved Gabby unconditionally, that even though they may have had their differences it didn't matter in the end. Herrmann eventually stood and walked out, hoping that she was going to be okay in the end.

Otis was next in line, taking the seat that Herrmann had sat in previously. He didn't know Gabby as well as Herrmann had, but that didn't matter. They'd had their moments, and they were the best of friends. He knew all about what was going on with Casey and her, knew her deepest thoughts. And she knew his, knew his insecurities and his aspirations. He couldn't believe the woman laying in the bed was his best friend, wanted to believe that if he yelled loud enough she'd wake up. But the room was silent except for the machines and the occasional cry of Casey.

Each member of 51 went in sad and came out changed. They couldn't believe the strongest person in the house was laying there in that state, couldn't believe something like this could happen. It was one thing to lose someone, but it was another for them to be alive but not living. They were visiting a living corpse, and if that didn't change them, then what would?

Eventually, it came down to Kelly. He stood next to Matt, hand on shoulder similar to Boden. "Matt, you need to go home, get some sleep, come back in the morning," Kelly told him softly. He knew the pain Matt was feeling, knew that he would never be the same. When Shay died, Kelly turned in on himself and shut everyone out. He didn't want that to happen to Matt, not after Gabby pulled him out of the self-destruction caused by losing Hallie.

"I'll go home when she wakes up," he mumbled in response. Kelly sighed, knowing trying to get him to go home was a losing battle. He knew that this would change Matt in ways nobody would expect, knew that the Matt they knew was gone.

"I'll be back in the morning before shift. Do you want Herrmann to cover for you until you're ready to come back?" Matt just nodded, leaning back in the chair. Kelly sighed again, leaving the room. At the doorway, he looked back, wishing there was someway he could help Matt, wishing there was a way to bring Gabby back to him.


	3. Chapter 3

The first few weeks were the hardest. Matt had tried balancing a schedule that was too disproportionate to his needs both as a firefighter and as a fiance, let alone doing what he needed to survive as a person. He would go to work from the hospital, do his shift, then go back to Gabby's side, never going home. He didn't know what else to do, didn't want to lose a minute away from Gabby because this could be all they had left.

Herrmann and Severide noticed this routine, going by the apartment a couple times a week to see if Casey might just actually be there this time. And each time, they ended up at the hospital watching him sleep in the chair next to Dawson in the same clothes he'd been wearing for weeks that he'd wash once at the firehouse for every three shifts. They knew it couldn't go on, couldn't let Casey slowly waste away into self-destruction, so they took it to Boden.

"We're worried, Chief," Severide said, the three of them in Boden's office three weeks after Gabby's accident. "It's not healthy, it's not safe."

"He doesn't talk to anyone, Chief. Only time is on a call telling us what to do," Herrmann added, remembering that seemingly small detail that was extremely important. "As far as we can tell, he hasn't been back to his apartment since it happened, wearing the same clothes. We never see him eat anything," Herrmann trailed off. Boden nodded, understanding the concern of the two.

"I'll talk to him," Boden promised, "and I'll see what I can figure out or do."

The next day on shift, Boden called Casey into his office, his own concern adding to those of Casey's colleagues. He wasn't sure what to do in this situation, being one of the few situations he'd never before encountered in the Fire Department - mainly because he had broken rules which led to the situation. Boden sat in the chair and motioned for Casey to sit on the couch.

"I know this is a hard time for you, but you need to talk to someone, Casey," Boden told him. "Everyone is worried about you. I've been told you're not eating, you haven't been home since the accident, that you've been wearing the same clothes since the accident. It's not healthy," Boden told him slowly, taking a deep breath.

"I'm fine, Chief, really," Casey told him. His voice was raspy, airy even. Boden could see through him, and Casey knew it. "I'm not fine," he said, giving in. It wasn't worth lying when they all knew everything was in the drain for him. "I can eat, I can't sleep, I can't function. Right before we got that call, I was talking to Gabby because our relationships hadn't been on the best terms, so we talked. And I told her that I can't question my decisions, but now I am, Chief. Every decision I make out there I'm questioning. Do you want to know why? Because it should be _me _in that hospital bed," Casey ranted, out of breath by the end.

"Why do you believe it should be you?" Boden asked, worried. It wasn't like Casey to say these types of things, always able to hold self-doubt at bay.

"She pushed me out of the way. We were at the third floor landing, she was on the step behind me. Next thing I know I'm being shoved and there's a hole in the floor where I was standing." Casey sighed, knowing that the truth was out, that it was his fault this had happened. "And now I wonder if I did things right. Should I have taken Herrmann with me and sent Gabby with Severide? Should I have been the one following and let her lead? Should we have taken a different floor? How can I make decisions for my team when I doubt myself every time?" he questioned, not sure of what to do. He hadn't taken time off since everything happened, just immersed himself in his work and in Gabby.

"Here's what you're going to do," Boden started. "You're gonna take a couple weeks off, actually go home and get some sleep. Talk to Chaplain, talk to Severide, talk to Gabby. You can't hold all this in, Casey, it will eat you alive," he stressed. "Herrmann will take over for you until you get back, and don't rush it. It'll take time, but you're strong. This isn't the first time this has happened, and you made it through the first time, you can do it again." Casey nodded and stood.

"Permission to leave shift?" he asked. Boden nodded and allowed Casey to leave his office.

"Send Herrmann in on your way out," he told Casey, who only nodded in agreement. What Casey had told Boden was unsettling, knowing what it's like to doubt yourself when in a position where that can be detrimental to your own sanity. He sat there until Herrmann walked in.

"So, Chief? Is everything okay?" he asked, sitting on the couch.

"Casey's not taking it very well. He's taking some time off, and until then, you're going to be acting lieutenant on Truck 81," Boden told him with a small nod. Herrmann nodded back, standing and leaving. As Boden watched him leave, he thought back to Casey. He wasn't sure what there was to do for the man, not sure if there was even a possibility of Casey coming back from this, knowing that Gabby brought him back the first time from the pits of the self-destruction.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thank you all for the reviews! I wanted to know if the short-ish chapters were okay, or if you'd like me to make them longer/combine them? Let me know!

Casey grabbed his essentials from his quarters and left in his truck towards their apartment. It had been weeks, seeing that going home was going back to haunting memories of happier times, of lively times. He sat in his truck for several minutes once outside the building, waiting to go in, waiting for the courage he needed to go in. It never came, so instead of fearlessness, he was going in like a child scared of what lay in the dark of their closet.

The apartment was quiet, the air stale as he tossed his bag on one of the dining room chairs. He expected Gabby to be on the couch with a glass of wine, waiting for him to come home. When the reality hit that she wasn't there, that she may never be there again, he lost it. Collapsing in tears, he sobbed for the first time since he found out she may never wake up, letting out the pent up sadness and anger as he screamed for the woman he loved, wishing she was there to hold him and tell him that everything was going to be okay, that things were going to get better. He cried for the future together they may never have, the family that was lost because of his decisions and actions that day. He blamed himself despite the nagging at the back of his mind telling him none of it was his fault.

He didn't know how long he laid there, tears running dry and the sobs dying into small whimpers. The sky was dark outside, the noises of the neighborhood dead in the night. He stood, the chair his crutch as he got his legs working again. Making his way to the bedroom, he used the wall to guide him, eyes tired and head pounding. When he got to the bedroom, he stripped down to his boxers and laid on the bed, pulling the sheets up to his head and curling up with her pillow, smelling the lavender of the shampoo she used.

Sleep did not come easy for him, tossing and turning throughout the night, waking him from the nightmares that constantly plagued the time that was supposed to be peaceful and turning it into torture. The infernos and the screams and the fear and guilt and blame his mind embodied as demons waiting in the flames. It was far from peaceful when he woke up, a scream building in his throat until it tumbled out in one blow of realization hitting him yet again. It was a constant bombardment every time he tried to do something, anything, that she wasn't there, that she wasn't going to be there. And every time that blow came, so did the grief and guilt and blame he felt.

At five in the morning, he decided he couldn't take it anymore, getting up and getting changed into sweat pants and a CFD hoodie that hung delicately among Gabby's clothes. He didn't touch them, didn't dare move them in fear that they would slip away and all that would be left was the emptiness he felt embodied in the closet. As he closed the closet, he turned and sighed, wanting things to be the way they used to be, to not feel the way he felt. He pulled out his phone, wanting to call somebody, but not being able to push himself to do so. Instead, he walked to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of beer, laying on the couch with it, hoping that it might numb him enough to sleep or to stay calm.

He didn't know how long he had laid there, numb, until he opened his eyes and was blinded by the sun shining in through the window. He pulled himself up, grabbing his keys and pulling on his tennis shoes. He was groggy, head cloudy, judgement still not too clear, but still knowing what he wanted and what he was doing. He stumbled out to the truck and started it up, going to the hospital.

He arrived and took the route he knew all too well to Gabby's room. When he arrived, he sat in the chair that knew him all too well and held the hand he'd held a thousand times before, and half of them had been in this room with the machines and the chill air and the silence. He still didn't believe it, hoping that she would be awake when he visited. But each time, he was let down when he saw the tubes still hooked up, the heart monitor showing an artificial beat.

"How're you doing?" Kendra asked from behind him, putting a hand on his shoulder. He shrugged.

"Not good," he admitted. "It's hard, seeing her like this. I wish there was something I could do to change this." He sighed, closing his eyes.

"It's been four weeks, Matt. It doesn't look good." He turned and looked at her.

"She never gave up on me, I'm not going to give up on her," he told her, turning his back to her and facing Gabby again. He didn't want to go that route, had hope that things would change in her situation, but that's all it was - hope. He heard Kendra leave, breath caught in his throat. A part of him knew Kendra was right, that keeping Gabby alive for his own sake of mind was wrong, that it was better to let her go, but he wasn't ready. He knew that eventually he would be, but he knew it wasn't time, not yet.


	5. Chapter 5

Casey had found the routine that fit his needs, the time off work helping him do so. He would work, go home, visit Gabby for a couple hours, go back home, and repeat. On his days off, it was hanging with the guys for a few hours, visiting Gabby, and then going back home. It wasn't ideal, however, for what it was worth, it worked.

Doubting himself, was a different story, and that came back around when he visited the hospital only to see Antonio and Gabby's parents. His breath caught in his throat, not wanting to meet her parents this way, not wanting to tell them it was his fault she was like this, connected to so many machines and tubes.

"Matt," Antonio said, leaving the room and shutting the door behind him, blocking Casey from getting inside. "How are you?"

"Fine. What's going on?" he asked, not sure why all of them were there or why they were all crying. They'd visited her on their own several times, but never when Casey was there and never with Antonio. He took a deep breath, steadying himself, calming himself.

"Casey, it's been three months. Kendra says there's been no change. We decided it's time," Antonio told him. His breath caught in his throat yet again as tears welled in his eyes. He wasn't ready, and he didn't know if he even had a say in the decision.

"You-You can't do that! I can't let her go!" he told Antonio, almost begging with him to change his mind. "I have the right to say!"

"We talked to her lawyer. You're not the one who gets to make the decision. We know that you want to keep her alive, that you're not ready, but she's a living corpse, Casey. Life is about quality, not quantity, and to keep her alive is nothing more than giving yourself more time to not have to say goodbye, just postponing it." He couldn't believe what he was hearing, that for one, he had no say in the matter, and two, they were giving up after such a short amount of time. He couldn't, didn't want to, believe it. Even though the disbelief was strong, he nodded, walking into the room with Antonio. Kendra stood there, waiting until she was told to disconnect.

Everyone in the room was crying, her parents hugging each other. Antonio had a hand on Casey's shoulder as he held Gabby's hand, kissing it softly. Kendra took out the IV, took off the heart monitor, and disconnected the ventilator, taking it out entirely. Casey's thoughts stopped in that moment, knowing that she was gone. Tears flowed down his cheeks, sobs rising in his throat.

"Casey," Antonio said, a tone of disbelief in his voice. "Look." When Casey looked up, Gabby was looking at him, small smile.

"Gabby! You're alive," he said, stunned in disbelief as well. For the first time in weeks since everything happened. "I love you. We can pull through this," he said, still smiling as he stood and kissed her gently. "We can get through anything."


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you all so much for reading. I'm sorry I'm leaving it there, but at least she's alive, right? However, I am working on a couple new stories. One is a Chicago Fire/House Dawsey cross-over, and I'll be working on a longer Dawsey here soon focusing on the tension between them where serious injury ending up with life-support isn't going to happen. If you have any questions, just PM me.


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